Dear Einstein the Dinky Pony,
My name is Pedro the Cat, and I have developed a business plan that will make me the most famous cat in history. I was recently advised that I need a Dinky Pony on staff, so I am offering you the amazing opportunity to be
my unpaid intern a part of my rise to fame.
Phase I of my plan (building the brand and developing a fan base) is nearly complete. In Phase II, I will be writing and publishing my first book, continuing to build my fan base through my blog and other avenues, receiving many
tasty valuable gifts, and gaining corporate sponsorships. I see you as an integral part of that phase, as you will be able to write take dictation of my life story, transport me around the neighborhood to public events, take part in cow-spotty photo shoots, and provide my human with artistic guidance.
I know you’ll be eager to get to work, so I urge you to find transportation to my base of operations as soon as possible. I would recommend a USPS Large Flat Rate Box as a comfortable and economical means of travel
until the USPS becomes bankrupt. After arrival, you will have free room and board at my human’s condo as long as the grass and landscaping last. Please contact me at your earliest convenience with your travel plans.
P.S. I’ve been told that I look “peacefully sweet”. Don’t let the look fool you – I am a savvy and ambitious businesscat.
P.P.S. After your arrival, if anyone from the homeowner’s association asks your weight, tell them 39 lbs.