letter recruiting the dinky pony

Dear Einstein the Dinky Pony,

My name is Pedro the Cat, and I have developed a business plan that will make me the most famous cat in history.  I was recently advised that I need a Dinky Pony on staff, so I am offering you the amazing opportunity to be my unpaid intern a part of my rise to fame.

Phase I of my plan (building the brand and developing a fan base) is nearly complete.  In Phase II, I will be writing and publishing my first book, continuing to build my fan base through my blog and other avenues, receiving many tasty valuable gifts, and gaining corporate sponsorships.  I see you as an integral part of that phase, as you will be able to write take dictation of my life story, transport me around the neighborhood to public events, take part in cow-spotty photo shoots, and provide my human with artistic guidance.

I know you’ll be eager to get to work, so I urge you to find transportation to my base of operations as soon as possible.  I would recommend a USPS Large Flat Rate Box as a comfortable and economical means of travel until the USPS becomes bankrupt.  After arrival, you will have free room and board at my human’s condo as long as the grass and landscaping last.  Please contact me at your earliest convenience with your travel plans.

Sincerely,

P.S. I’ve been told that I look “peacefully sweet”. Don’t let the look fool you – I am a savvy and ambitious businesscat.

P.P.S.  After your arrival, if anyone from the homeowner’s association asks your weight, tell them 39 lbs.

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19 comments on “letter recruiting the dinky pony

  1. From the desk of Mojo Cat.
    Pedro old mog, I have to hand it to you. This is typical of the sort of gumption that will ensure that catkind will prevail. Now, how would you feel if we arranged a two way global split – you take the left and I’ll take the right (depending on which way up you’re standing, of course). I don’t think we need to worry about any of the others. They are but bits of fluff (or floof, in your language) and do not have our business acumen or determination.
    Sincerely,
    Mojo.

  2. Pedro I can’t see how Einstein the DP could possibly resist the opportunity to align himself with your rise to fame and fortune. Who would pass that up? Looks like you and Mojo have world domination well in hand but if you need some help with the feral polydactyl contingent, I could come out of retirement and lend a paw……..

    Sammy

    • Hi Sammy! Einstein would be a fool to pass up my offer. And we all know Einstein’s no fool…

      I’m still not sold on the global domination thing. It seems like a lot of work. I just want to be adored by all and spoiled lavishly. But if I end up dominating anything other than Kitty, I want you to be my front right paw cat. And I want Bugs to be my right rear paw cat. And we can’t forget Sprocket…

      • Got your back, Pedro. Your whole right-rear flank, matter of fact. In the southern hemisphere, at least. I am a suthrin cat, Confederate gray as it happens. Evolved, tho, having come to love black and white alike and also red. And about that domination thing? My experience is, we can make the adorative spoilation happen by stealth. But domination, as a strategy of first resort, is the way to go, my opinion. Beans need dominating. They must be made to come to their senses. When that happens, then they fork over all their money quietly and become passive to our will. Whereafter we enforce the adorative spoilation with no extra effort required. Like I said. Your right-rear flank. Safe in my paws. Your friend and cohort, Bugs

  3. Sir,
    Before my client, Mr Dinky Pony, accepts your job offer, he needs to see a copy of the contract. He also only ever travels first class in a small but perfectly formed horsebox which he would expect you to maintain. A cardboard box would not have the facilities he requires for a long journey.
    In order better to understand your ambitions, please name the famous cats in history whose achievements you mean to exceed. Mr Dinky and I have a knowledge of famous equines from Caligula’s steed to Eeyore, but we are largely ignorant of their feline equivalents. However we have started work compliing a list which includes Clarence the cross-eyed lion in a programme whose name we have forgotten, Simba in the Lion King, Elsa the lion and Bagpuss. Six Dinner Sid may not be known in Hawaii, and we do not know if you are a fan of Mog.
    Respectfully yours etc etc
    PS I may continue this list on my page.

    • Sir,

      Listed in no particular order, the celebrity cats whose fame I will exceed include but are not limited to: Maru (naturally), Socks Clinton, Sockington, Garfield, Surprise Kitty, Morris, Keyboard Cat, Scarlett, Felix, Oscar (creepy), Mr. Bigglesworth, Montecore (scary), Cat, Not Cat, Mojo Cat, Leo the Lion, and Tama.

      All internships and paid positions are considered “at will”, so Mr. Einstein will not be bound contractually. And neither will I. Mr. Einstein is allowed to travel in any manner his Dinky Pony heart desires, providing his Dinky Pony heart pays for such travel.

      Respectfully yours,
      Pedro the Cat
      soon to be most famous cat in history

  4. I see you edited the letter a bit since I first saw it. It is brilliant. I don’t see how Dinky could refuse your offer.

    However, I think you need to be suspicious of Dinky Pony impersonators trying to ride your cattails to fame and fortune. Make sure that the Dinky Pony who arrives on your doorstep in his special first-class full-accommodations-included USPS package is the real deal. Those in positions of power and influence such as yourself are often targeted by cleverly-costumed con artists who really just want a share of your kitty crunchies and royalty checks.

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