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my human idiot

Have I mentioned lately that my human isn’t the sharpest crayon in the box?

Meet Moa, or the feral Hawaiian chicken. We have tons of them, and they’re everywhere. When one appeared on my doorstep this morning, apparently my human thought I would be an integral part of her chicken elimination plan.

Is she insane? Roosters are huge, fierce, angry, vicious predators. They’ll peck your eyes out without hesitation – right through the screen door! And not only are they violent beasts, but they’re riddled with germs. If they can’t get your eyes, they’ll do everything they can to infect you with salmonella or bird flu or ebola. They’re awful creatures, and I can’t believe she thought I wanted any part of that…  After making it absolutely clear that she was on her own to get rid of the chicken on her way to work, I spent the whole day hiding hanging out in my shopping bag in case the creature knew how to open deadbolts…

Ten hours later my human finally returned to see if we’d survived the day, and I snuck out to see if the evil rooster was still there.  I can still smell him.  I think he’s out there, hiding until we least expect his attack.  And he has probably invited friends as backup.

I’m out of there. I can hide nap in this bag for weeks if I need to.

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20 comments on “my human idiot

  1. It takes real courage to refuse to fight under all that pressure…

    maybe leaving some cat sand around the edges of the yard might give the chickens something to think about.

  2. Are you kidding – I was hiding in my bag seconds after I saw those evil tail feathers! There’s no way I’m going to risk my eyes or get some awful hemorrhagic fever. Fighting isn’t even an option!

    My human moved us to a condo in the city a year ago. I though I’d seen my last rooster, but they’re EVERYWHERE. I think I might need tons of cat sand…

  3. Yikes! Evil roosters plotting an attack on my BFC Pedro? This will never do. I had no idea the island was overrun with diseased roosters lying/standing/sitting in wait for a hapless cat to leave the protection of its home in order to POUNCE and PECK. Can’t blame you for retreating to your bag in these trying times my friend. You need to have a little “sit down” with your human though – – – if she expects YOU to protect HER from that thing instead of the other way around, she’s – well – misguided. Stay safe. Bolt the doors and windows. Keep that bag handy.

    Your concerned friend Sammy

    • Hey, Sammy! Humans think all those chickens are just “dumb birds” wandering around, eating bugs. Fools! I’m sure those birds are plotting something! I’m staying in thise bag until I know it’s safe. I swear a chicken will get you right through the screen door!

  4. Moa needs to be turned into a boa. And I don’t mean snake. Have you considered drones? All you have to do is feed them green papers and tell them where to go. They do the rest. Unfortunately, only thing left after them is a large crater, with mousse a la moadrone crusted at the bottom. We have tried this here on the farm in AR. We know. At least now the hens can run free without being raped. Application of strategic retaliatory violence results in peace. That’s my math and I’m sticking to it. — Bugs

  5. He looks amazing. Is he descended from domestic chickens that have escaped or been abandoned? I have never heard of feral chickens before, let alone aggressive ones.

    • Thank you. Wait – you’re saying the chicken looks amazing? Hmmph.

      They are decendent of domestic chickens. But all chickens are evil – they just have humans fooled. Would you like me to send you some???

  6. Wow, what a magnificent creature. Nonetheless, I would definitely run and hide if I encountered one in real life. I think Sprocket’s outdoor survival skills and ferocity towards anything feathered would make him a good guard-kitty against feral chickens. I have no evidence to support this, but I suspect that he might have survived partly on wild turkey when he was a kitten.

    That picture of you standing up with your paws on the door is great because it shows off your cowkitty markings at an angle I don’t usually get to see.

    • I bet Sprocket could take him. And maybe Sprocket’s immune system could take all the nasty chicken germs since he has experience with turkeys (turkies??). Not me. I’ll be using the bag strategy for all future chickens.

      My human doesn’t take photos of me standing very often. And have you ever seen one with my tail between my legs like that???

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