I know I’ve been gone a long time. And I know you all miss me terribly… I wish I had a good excuse, but the honest truth is that I’ve been busy being sullen and pouty. My human has been neglecting me for months, and I’ve just been busy trying to get her attention and communicating my displeasure to her. You wouldn’t believe the mistreatment, so I’ve compiled a list of the horrors:
1) Our human is spending WAY too much time at work, when she should be cuddling with me.
2) When she returns from work, she lounges in MY spot on the couch.
3) She refuses to get out of bed for my 4:30 am feeding. (Yes, there is still kibble in my bowl. But it’s yesterday’s kibble. I like fresh breakfast kibble.) But she WILL get out of bed if Kitty demands a snack. Hmpf.
4) She replaced my iPad with this awful iPad Mini, which is too small for me to type with my floofy toesies. How am I supposed to blog, when Siri doesn’t understand my meows? She just says, “Your wish is my command,” in that snooty computer voice, without following the command.
5) I’ve been cut down to just one brushing session a day. How am I supposed to look my best without proper grooming?
6) She keeps putting stuff on the flat surfaces. Where am I supposed to sit??