‘Twas the night before Christmas, and suddenly I found myself out of a house…
On Christmas Eve 2008, my family left me at the local animal shelter. I had always been their pampered indoor kitty, so imagine my surprise when I was suddenly bunking with 20 adult cats from all walks of life. Most of them had been there for months, and a lot of them were semi-feral tough guys.
I was lucky to be BIG, because I got my own shelf and almost everycat was afraid to challenge me over it. But I wasn’t feeling very good, so I was worried somecat would notice and confront me. I’m not much of a fighter… On the fifth day, my human came into the adult cat room. I heard her say she was looking for a cuddly geriatric cat, but I head-butted her when she got close enough anyway. I figured it couldn’t hurt. She scratched my noggin, and then she left without me.
A week later, my human was driving past the shelter on her way to an appointment when she suddenly found herself at the front desk, asking if the funny cow spotted cat was still there. She adopted me immediately without meeting me again. I was so relieved that I didn’t even mind the ride home in a cardboard box.
Minutes after we arrived at my new home, I relaxed for the first time in 2 weeks. And technicolor snot started pouring out of my eyes and nose, and I was coughing uncontrollably. I’d had to hold it together and look tough for so long, and as soon as I felt a little safer it all came pouring out. Literally. My human immediately quarantined me to her only tiny bathroom, and I was so tired and sick that I just curled up in her sink. And I stayed there for a month before I was healthy enough to finally meet Kitty.
Life wasn’t perfect in my new bathroom, but at least it was quiet and safe and I wasn’t scared to let my guard down and eat. (In fact, I gained 3 lbs in the first 2 weeks I was there!) I spent time getting to know my new human every morning as she got ready for work, and when she had to pee. She would come in and sit with me, groom me, and try to make me feel better. And eventually I did feel better.
I had a lot of time to think in my new sink, and I realized that we are in control of our destinies. Every choice we make and action we take builds our futures… The head bump I gave my human shaped my future and hers. I chose her, and now I choose not to live a life of complacency. I decided from then on that I would make choices and take actions to shape my future into whatever my little heart desires. Today I desire peace on Earth, goodwill towards creatures (including humans), a meal on every plate or in every bowl, and loving homes for shelter cats all over the world. I know that’s a lot to ask for, but I just had a long nap and I’m feeling energetic. And hopefully Santa got my letter and is doing his part to help me out.
I seem to have broken one of the cardinal rules of successful businesscats – if you want something done right, you need to do it yourself.
I was so busy this week that I asked Kitty to write a blog entry for me. I know she understood what I wanted, but the actual page she wrote was really counter-productive… I wanted an entry to show my more serious, career-oriented side so no cats forget that aspect of my persona in the midst of all of the warm and fuzzy holiday hubbub. But in all of the photos she selected, I was looking really goofy or sickly-sweet. No one would imagine that the cat in those photos was a serious career cat.
I’ll admit that I was really cranky about the mix-up at first, but then I realized how ridiculous I was being… I mean, she spends her days looking out the “window” like the photo on the left. I never should have expected her to complete such an important task for me.
Please note that no cardinals were injured or ingested in the breaking of this rule or the writing of this post.
I’m not usually a very serious cat, but I have a serious message for my fans tonight. Over the last week, I’ve noticed some weird things about some of my new subscribers. There are a few that appear to be trying to sell products or looking for donations to their causes when I’ve gone to their blogs or clicked on their gravatars. They may be legitimate businesses or charitable organizations, but I don’t know that for sure. So I just want to urge everyone to think hard and really check out any organization before you even consider giving them any money. I would feel awful if any of my friends was taken advantage of by someone they connected with on my blog…
Having said all that, I will also feel awful if I’ve alienated a real new friend by writing this post. I hope all of my subscribers understand that I’m just looking out for my friends. Cats are fiercely loyal creatures. It’s part of our charm. 😉
I couldn’t believe it when my human woke me up at 3:00 am. I’m on my winter schedule and I normally start ordering breakfast and waking everyone up at 4:30 am, so I was tired and cranky as I washed my face and prepared for the day. I knew she planned on getting an early start, but this was just ridiculous!
I was having a tough morning, so imagine my delight when my human returned home a couple of hours later with a fantastic present. And it was for ME!!!
I love my new box. Look at how roomy it is! It’s perfect for laying in wait for the perfect moment to pounce on an unsuspecting gazelle. Or Kitty.
Black Friday is the best holiday ever!
It’s Thanksgiving. It’s time for American cats to show their appreciation for the humans that normally receive our mockery and scorn, and then receive a large meal complete with bits of stuffing and morsels of turkey. Since this is also the time that Santa is making his list of naughty and nice felines, I intend to do this gratitude thing right. My wish list is extensive this year, so I’m highly motivated…
I know there are lots of kitties and people less fortunate than I am. I am thankful that I have a warm home, healthy food (even though it’s diet), fresh water, and clean litter boxes.
I am grateful to have been adopted by a human who grooms me, cuddles with me, and lets me lean on her when I feel insecure. I am thankful that she is concerned about my health enough to encourage fun exercise (remember the kukui nut?) and watch my caloric intake. I do wish she would stop brushing my teeth, although I appreciate the concept of dental hygiene.
I am thankful for the ambition and means to begin pursuit of my lofty career goals. I am grateful to have been able to start on that path with this blog. I am thankful that I am a beautiful cat with amazing whiskers, gorgeous ear tufts, fancy red Soft Claws, and a fun cow-spotted coat so that I can attract visitors. And I’m very thankful that I am intelligent and witty enough to keep their interest and turn them into adoring fans.
I’m especially grateful for the community of bloggers that I’ve found and their support. They are sometimes comical, sometimes surly, and sometimes deep and meaningful, but they are always THERE. I had no idea that as I was starting to build my fan base with this blog, I would also be building a family.
I would also like to show my appreciation for Kitty. She pretends to hate me, but I know she really loves me. I appreciate her sharp wit and sarcastic (sarCATsic) humor. I enjoy playing tag and hide-and-seek with her, and I enjoy giving her the long baths I know she loves.
I would also like to express my gratitude to the genius who invented Black Friday. While my human is battling fellow shoppers for the best deals and enduring painfully long lines in the middle of the night, I appreciate that I will be able to shop for my deals online in the comfort of my couch. And I am thankful that my human is big and mean enough to win any wrestling match over a new appliance or gadget.
In closing, I would like to say again that I am thankful that I am stunningly handsome and exceedingly charming. And I am very, very thankful for the little nibbles of turkey skin I’m expecting to receive. And maybe for a dot of whipped cream on my lovely nose.
In the words of Winston Churchill,
“All [cats] make mistakes, but only wise [cats] learn from their mistakes.”
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that you’ve seen this before, and it wasn’t pretty. You’re thinking that I didn’t learn from my previous mistake. You’re thinking I’m going to fall off this couch with this bag on my head. And you’re wrong…
This time I carefully judged the size of this bag full of tasty-smelling goodies before I stuck my head in completely, so I knew there would be no chance of getting stuck with a paper bag on my head again. I am a wise cat.
I should scratch Churchill’s quote and replace it with Bill Purdin’s, “Those who cannot admit making stupid mistakes are destined to repeat them over and over.” Who the heck is Bill Purdin? Zemanta doesn’t even know who he is.
Yesterday I was wandering through WordPress, and I found a post entitled “Blogger Scores Book Deal for ‘You Are Not So Smart’ “. (I know I should be able to turn that title into the actual link, but I haven’t figured out how yet. So use this instead: http://wp.me/pf2B5-2i7 . Give me a break, I’m a cat. I’m also going to use the feline excuse for not knowing whether a blog title should be underlined or put in quotes. I did both. Go big or go home.) In that post, there was a quote from David McRaney that confirmed that my entire business plan is sensible and realistic.
As a businesscat, I’ve wondered whether my strategy translates well into the human business world. And as a new blogger, I’ve wondered whether my plan is progressing at an appropriate rate. After reading the following paragraph, I knew that I am absolutely on the right track:
“This is an amazing and revolutionary time for writers,” David says. “The barriers to entry are so low, and the platforms like WordPress.com are so well made, anyone with a voice can start shouting and be heard. Instead of writing a book and hoping a publisher won’t throw it into the slush pile, writers can start a blog and build a fan base. They can prove to publishers there is a market for their work and their voice.”
I am firmy entrenched in Phase I of my business plan, which consists of building the brand and establishing a fan base. In Phase II, I will be prepared to leap that low barrier to entry with manuscript in paw and followers following. With or without a Dinky Pony or Drugged Poltergeist or whatever, I will be a successful businesscat and celebrity… And now I just need to find another few thousand subscribers. And take a little nap…
Pedro asked me to send his regrets. He’s unable to post anything new today because he’s busy bouncing around the house, wearing that ridiculous udder and trying to say MOO without a feline accent. The good news is that he’s so busy studying Bovinity that it’s been hours since he harassed me…
This gallery contains 6 photos.
After watching the Big Cat Rescue videos on Sassafrass’ and Nekoka’s blog http://wazeau.wordpress.com/2011/10/28/pumpkin-envy/ I had serious pumpkin envy. I quickly added pumpkins to my wishlist. My human came through for me right away!
I know my human works hard and I can be a little demanding at times, so this morning I planned a little surprise to show my gratitude. I knew it was her day off, so just before sunrise, I woke her up with a nice, long bath and hair grooming session. Then I left her alone so she could enjoy the little breakfast treat I left on her pillow. Forget Wheaties. Geckos should be the breakfast of champions!
My human agrees that the only satisfactory Halloween costume I’ve tried is my pirate hat, but she decided that I couldn’t be seen in a costume that everyone and their DOG seems to be wearing (see http://rorytheadoptedhusky.wordpress.com/2011/10/27/aarrrrr-happy-halloween/). I’ll agree with that. But watching her making my new costume is making me a little nervous. Anything combining paper mache and catnip spray can’t be good…
Dear Einstein the Dinky Pony,
My name is Pedro the Cat, and I have developed a business plan that will make me the most famous cat in history. I was recently advised that I need a Dinky Pony on staff, so I am offering you the amazing opportunity to be
my unpaid intern a part of my rise to fame.
Phase I of my plan (building the brand and developing a fan base) is nearly complete. In Phase II, I will be writing and publishing my first book, continuing to build my fan base through my blog and other avenues, receiving many
tasty valuable gifts, and gaining corporate sponsorships. I see you as an integral part of that phase, as you will be able to write take dictation of my life story, transport me around the neighborhood to public events, take part in cow-spotty photo shoots, and provide my human with artistic guidance.
I know you’ll be eager to get to work, so I urge you to find transportation to my base of operations as soon as possible. I would recommend a USPS Large Flat Rate Box as a comfortable and economical means of travel
until the USPS becomes bankrupt. After arrival, you will have free room and board at my human’s condo as long as the grass and landscaping last. Please contact me at your earliest convenience with your travel plans.
P.S. I’ve been told that I look “peacefully sweet”. Don’t let the look fool you – I am a savvy and ambitious businesscat.
P.P.S. After your arrival, if anyone from the homeowner’s association asks your weight, tell them 39 lbs.
Even in Hawaii, most cats wear thicker coats in the winter. This year mine sprouted much earlier than usual, which made September pretty toasty for me… My human thinks my cold weather attire is different from most cats’. It seems as though my white fur gets longer and thicker, but the black fur doesn’t change. This photo shows the phenomenon perfectly – notice the beautiful halo of floofy white fur next to the sleeker black cow spot on my side? Whether that’s normal or not, I think my winter coat is definitely a fashion “do”.