Sigh… I just found out that my human actually adopted the foster cat. Grizzly is now a permanent fixture around here, and I think that means I’ll never have a competent personal assistant.
Don’t get me wrong, Grizzly is an OK cat. But he just doesn’t have any useful skills. His interdigital floof gets in the way of iPad typing as much as mine does. He doesn’t have any marketing experience. He clearly has the whole grooming thing wrong, and he doesn’t have the level of subservience that I expect. And he isn’t even a lovely girl cat with a big, floofy tail and beautiful eyes like these:
Yeah, I guess I’m a little glad that Grizzly doesn’t have to go back to the shelter. I just wish my human had taken my needs into consideration before making such a monumental decision… I hope she doesn’t make a habit of bringing home every naked cat she meets on the street.
Pssst… I made up my mind – I’m going to brave the albino dust bunny infestation and stick it out here in my foster home. I’ve stowed away in a shopping bag in case Pedro or the human have any different plans for me.
I finally met Grizzly, my new temporary personal assistant. Sort of. He actually slept through the whole encounter. But I did get to see and smell him up close for the first time. And I have to say that I was a little surprised – aren’t grizzlies brown???
As I’m sure you all know, I’m a little bit obsessive about hygiene. And I’ve had some trouble with compulsive grooming. I never, ever thought I would utter these words, but here goes: Grizzly may have gone overboard on the grooming just a bit. And maybe if he spent less time grooming himself, we could finally get some work done.
Well, so far the new Temporary Personal Assistant to Pedro the Cat is a complete flop. Grizzly arrived almost a week ago, and I haven’t even met him yet! And even worse, my human is spending a disturbing amount of time with him, when she could be grooming me. I understand that Grizzly is having a bad fur day (or month, maybe) but the amount of attention he’s getting is a little ridiculous. Really, how bad could it be??? I think the healthiest thing for Grizzly to do would be to immerse himself in working on a new marketing campaign for Pedro the Cat. That would certainly take his mind off of his problems…
The temp has arrived! I’m so glad that the humane society agreed to let us borrow Grizzly for a while. And this is a fabulous career move for him. What cat wouldn’t want to list, “Personal Assistant to Pedro the Cat” on their CV?
Unfortunately, Grizzly didn’t immediately get to work. It appears that he needs to get settled in first. I guess that’s understandable… I can hear him purring through the bedroom door, which must mean he’s excited to meet a celebrity cat such as myself.
Fantastic news! Grizzly accepted the position of temporary personal assistant to Pedro the Cat, and he’s ready to start training right away. I’m very excited because I could use more adoration. I’ll update you all very soon!
Aloha fans and friends! I’d like to introduce you to Grizzly:
My human offered Grizzly a temporary position on my staff, but his people haven’t responded to my person. I’m a little sad about that because Grizzly seems to have all of the attributes I know my assistant must possess: he’s a cat… And my human seems a little disappointed because she feels that giving this temp position to Grizzly is in his best interest. See, Grizzly has the feline equivalent of a mullet gone wrong – party in the front, business in the back. The poor guy is recovering from a serious flea allergy, and he’s got some bare patches… If Grizzly’s people aren’t interested in the fostering/temp thing while Grizzly’s bum gets furry, maybe someone with thumbs should knit the poor guy some pants.
Anyway, I guess the hunt for my new personal assistant must go on. So, I was thinking that I would put together an application to assist my human in the selection process. I haven’t completed the whole form yet, but I have come up with some essential questions. For those of you that aren’t feline, the correct answers are shown in green.
When spending a day at the beach, would you be more likely to be:
A) Building sandcastles.
B) Knocking over other cats’ sandcastles.
C) Cat napping.
How do you feel about feline cuisine?
A) I’m VERY food oriented. In fact, I need a snack right now.
What is your favorite sleeping position?
A) At the foot of the bed.
B) In the bath tub.
C) On the pillow.
If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
A) Don’t be an idiot – I’m a cat, not a tree.
C) A pussy willow.
My human has apparently gotten sick of me moping. Yesterday she went to the local humane society to interview potential prospect cats that are interested in becoming my new personal assistant. It’s a difficult job – lots of grooming, fawning, worshipping, and adoring. Thankfully, my human understands the importance of finding just the right cat for the job… But unfortunately, none of the felines at the humane society were suitable. My human did make an interesting choice, though. She’s trying to hire a temp. (She calls it “fostering”. Whatever.) I’ll keep you posted on whether or not Grizzly accepts the job of Temporary Assistant to Pedro the Cat.