pedro’s temp failure

Aloha fans and friends!  I’d like to introduce you to Grizzly:

My human offered Grizzly a temporary position on my staff, but his people haven’t responded to my person.  I’m a little sad about that because Grizzly seems to have all of the attributes I know my assistant must possess: he’s a cat…  And my human seems a little disappointed because she feels that giving this temp position to Grizzly is in his best interest.  See, Grizzly has the feline equivalent of a mullet gone wrong – party in the front, business in the back.  The poor guy is recovering from a serious flea allergy, and he’s got some bare patches… If Grizzly’s people aren’t interested in the fostering/temp thing while Grizzly’s bum gets furry, maybe someone with thumbs should knit the poor guy some pants.

Anyway, I guess the hunt for my new personal assistant must go on.  So, I was thinking that I would put together an application to assist my human in the selection process.  I haven’t completed the whole form yet, but I have come up with some essential questions.  For those of you that aren’t feline, the correct answers are shown in green.

When spending a day at the beach, would you be more likely to be:
A) Building sandcastles.
B) Knocking over other cats’ sandcastles.
C) Cat napping.

How do you feel about feline cuisine?
A) I’m VERY food oriented. In fact, I need a snack right now.
B) Meh.

What is your favorite sleeping position?
A) At the foot of the bed.
B) In the bath tub.
C) On the pillow.

If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?
A) Don’t be an idiot – I’m a cat, not a tree.
B) Maple.
C) A pussy willow.

pedro the mopey cat

My human has apparently gotten sick of me moping. Yesterday she went to the local humane society to interview potential prospect cats that are interested in becoming my new personal assistant. It’s a difficult job – lots of grooming, fawning, worshipping, and adoring. Thankfully, my human understands the importance of finding just the right cat for the job… But unfortunately, none of the felines at the humane society were suitable. My human did make an interesting choice, though. She’s trying to hire a temp. (She calls it “fostering”. Whatever.) I’ll keep you posted on whether or not Grizzly accepts the job of Temporary Assistant to Pedro the Cat.

pedro moves on to plan b…

Well, my strategy to physically restrain my human to avoid any further changes was failing. She kept sneaking out when I got distracted. So I’ve moved on to Plan B… I’ll just stow away in her purse. That way I can be with her always to use my feline mind control to keep her from making poor choices. I think this plan is a winner – she’ll never suspect a thing!

pedro’s new strategy, cont…

It’s terribly uncomfortable to sleep on such a lumpy object, but I’m committed to making my new strategy work!

pedro has a new strategy

A lot has changed in my household over the past few months. I have to admit that like a lot of felines, I don’t always enjoy big changes. And sometimes I don’t really enjoy little changes, either. Since my human seems to be oblivious of this, I’ve decided to try a new strategy. I think that the best course of action is for me to physically restrain her. I’ve climbed into her lap to hold her down, and I’m not going to move. Except for the occasional snack, of course. If she can’t leave the house, she can’t change anything, right?

pedro gets results

My recent hunger strike protesting my human’s lengthy vacation (6 nights!!!) was incredibly difficult. After almost 24 hours without nourishment I was weak with hunger and beginning to hallucinate that my attendants were giant ahi tunas, and I really wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold out. But just as I was about to give in and have a little snack, my human arrived to take me home. Whew. It was the most difficult protest I’ve ever staged, and I’m so glad it finally paid off. Now you’ll have to excuse me – after brunch I need to find some pillows to pee on and shoes for hairball expectoration…

Whew.

P.S. Utah. She was in Utah. Who in their right mind vacations in Utah in February???

pedro takes control

I see now that if I ever want to go home, I’m going to have to take matters into my own paws. I’ve begun a hunger strike. That’s bound to get my human’s attention…

Don’t get me wrong, this resort is lovely. The staff is sufficiently awestruck by my celebrity and they’ve catered to my every need. But I’m a busy businesscat and I’m ready to get back to work. I’m also ready for some good tummy rubs, a cat nap on the dining room table, and to poop in my own litterbox.

So wish me luck – I’m 17 minutes into my starvation diet, and I can tell this is going to take all of the strength I can muster. I think my ribs might be beginning to show…

a tribute to one spoiled cat

Most of my fans have already met my good friend, Sammy from One Spoiled Cat. Since Sammy’s home alone this weekend (or as close to alone as he can get – he’s home alone with Dad) I thought I’d post a little something for him.

Every Tuesday Sammy and his mom post a “Teaser”.  It’s a photo of a fabulous place Sammy’s family has visited (without Sammy, I might add!), and they have a little contest to see who can guess where the photo was taken…  So today, I’m having a little “Teaser” of my own…

So here I am, being groomed and pampered in my luxury feline resort, while my human is being completely irresponsible and vacationing in the above location. Frankly, I’m getting a little bored with my holiday and I’m ready to get back to work… Can anyone PLEASE tell me where this photo was taken, so I can go get my human and drag her back to reality? I have things to do, people to groom, and furniture to scratch.

pedro on holiday

I’m so excited!  I’ve just checked into a fabulous luxury resort, where my suite has a fantastic view of a bird feeder. I’ll be pampered with daily brushing and room service gourmet diet cat kibble. And I’m hoping there are some hot girl cats to groom. (I may be neutered, but I’m not dead!) I don’t know why my human scheduled this little retreat, but I’m going to love it.

I can’t wait to meet this pug from the resort’s website… Any place that would do this to a dog HAS to be a feline paradise!

I have to go now – I need to schedule a visit from the kitty masseuse…

photo of fashionally challenged pug courtesy of Whiskers Resort completely without their knowledge, but if I see the pug I’ll ask if it’s ok

pedro sees the light

As all of my loyal fans know, the last few months have been pretty rough. Between Kitty’s diagnosis, my disappointing Christmas twig, my human’s stupidity, eventually losing Kitty, and my recent mystery illness that I’m sure had more to do with germs than stress, I was starting to feel a little down in the dumps. But then a few days ago, something really fantastic happened. One of my very favorite fans gave me the most amazing gift EVER. I love it more than high fives and bonito flakes… That might be a slight exaggeration because everycat knows there’s nothing better than bonito flakes, but you get the point… I’ve been enjoying this gift every minute since I got it, and I can honestly say that my mood is better and I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel!

I see the light at the end of the crinkle tunnel!

pedro on the mend

I’ve been pretty sick for the last week or so.  My human thinks it was stress, but because I’m such a confident and well-adjusted feline I’m pretty sure germs were involved. Or maybe aliens… Anyway, I’m feeling better now but still not looking my best, so I thought I would share my observations of living in a single cat home instead of trying to touch up my latest pics. (Toe floof makes airbrushing difficult.) Here are the pros and cons:

Pro – I don’t have the additional pressure of having to make sure any other cats are appropriately groomed.
Con – I  don’t have the pleasure of making sure any other cats are appropriately groomed.

Pro – I don’t have to eat yucky senior cat diet kibble anymore.
Con – I am now being served a different yucky senior cat diet kibble. On a schedule.

Pro – It’s very quiet at night without Kitty talking to herself.
Con – I am often awakened by my own snoring, and there’s no one else to blame it on.

Pro – Patrolling my territory for invading cats is much simpler.
Con – It’s hard to keep up the security level with no one to practice ambush techniques on, as my human doesn’t seem to think it’s as fun as I do.

Pro – I don’t have to share any lizards, spiders, bugs, or gazelle I catch.
Con – No more team stalking and capture of lizards, spiders, bugs, or gazelle. My human is a completely inept huntress.

Pro – I seem to get unlimited cuddles and tummy rubs now.
Con – I only have my human for cuddling, and she’s not very fuzzy.

Pro – I get to practice leaping and tightrope walking in private.
Con – There’s no one to cheer me up when curtain rods break, accessories pull out of walls, pottery shatters, and furniture falls over.

As you can see, there are positive and negative aspects of being in a single cat domicile. I haven’t really decided which option is better, but I am considering accepting applications for a new roommate cat…

too much time on my paws

It seems as though I might need to find a hobby. With the elections over and the diminished demand for grooming in my household, I just have way too much time on my paws.  Unfortunately, my lack of opposable thumbs really limits my options. It’s not like I can take up knitting or gourmet cooking…  I considered learning a new language with Rosetta Stone, but that seems problematic as well…  Any suggestions?

pedro the cat is feeling sad today

Kitty 1994 – 2013

 
I’m very sad today… This morning my human sat me down for a long talk. She told me that poor old Kitty hasn’t been feeling well, so she was going to take Kitty someplace where she’d be all better and her head wouldn’t hurt anymore. At first I was sad because I won’t have anyone to bathe, but then I started thinking about the fabulous feline retirement home where Kitty must be going. It must be a fantastic place for my human to even consider it… I’m envisioning a beautiful butterfly farm, with lots of long grass to hide in and beautiful butterflies flitting about. And there must be lizards there. And lots of birds. But no feral chickens. And I bet they’ll feed Kitty all the strawberry Yoplait yogurt she wants, because that is her favorite. And it will have lots of sun puddles to nap in. And at night, she’ll have her very own bathtub to curl up in to sleep. She always hated it when I bugged her in the bathtub…

So I’m sad today because I’ll miss poor old Kitty, but I know she’s someplace much better. And my human has been stuffing me with bonito flakes since she got home, so maybe this will work out well for me, too.

happy new year?

I know I’ve been gone a long time. And I know you all miss me terribly… I wish I had a good excuse, but the honest truth is that I’ve been busy being sullen and pouty.  My human has been neglecting me for months, and I’ve just been busy trying to get her attention and communicating my displeasure to her.  You wouldn’t believe the mistreatment, so I’ve compiled a list of the horrors:

1) Our human is spending WAY too much time at work, when she should be cuddling with me.

2) When she returns from work, she lounges in MY spot on the couch.

3) She refuses to get out of bed for my 4:30 am feeding.  (Yes, there is still kibble in my bowl.  But it’s yesterday’s kibble.  I like fresh breakfast kibble.) But she WILL get out of bed if Kitty demands a snack. Hmpf.

4) She replaced my iPad with this awful iPad Mini, which is too small for me to type with my floofy toesies. How am I supposed to blog, when Siri doesn’t understand my meows? She just says, “Your wish is my command,” in that snooty computer voice, without following the command.

5)  I’ve been cut down to just one brushing session a day.  How am I supposed to look my best without proper grooming?

6) She keeps putting stuff on the flat surfaces.  Where am I supposed to sit??

my human’s sense of humor

Some of you may remember how absolutely perfect my Christmas tree was last year. It was the most fantastic gift I’ve ever gotten…

I think this year’s tree must be my human’s idea of a joke… I’m not laughing.

pedro the cat’s ocd

Sorry I haven’t updated my blog all week. I’ve been busy bathing myself obsessively. Now that Kitty’s medicine is working, she hates me again and I’m not allowed to groom her… I guess our vet might not be an idiot after all. I wonder if he can prescribe something for my OCD before my tummy is bald again…

pedro the cat gives thanks

Aloha and Happy Thanksgiving to All!

This year I have so much to be thankful for that I don’t know where to begin…

I am so thankful for the US Postal Service’s fantastic boxes, even though my idiot human seems to think they can contain things not feline. Sigh…
I am thankful for every day I get to spend with my ancient roommate cat, Kitty.
I am thankful for Bonito Flakes.
I am thankful for all of my bloggy friends.
I am thankful for a good home in a beautiful place with lots of geckos to hunt.
I am thankful for tummy rubs and high fives.
I am thankful to have a steady income from my WordAds. I’m saving up for a miniature cow and a human to dispose of said cow’s poop.
And most of all, more than anything else under the sun: I am thankful that the presidential election is over!

kitty’s noggin

my favorite photo of Kitty

I suppose it’s time to make the official announcement… Poor old Kitty was diagnosed with a brain tumor this week.  Because she’s older than dirt, she is not an ideal candidate for any aggressive treatments.  So my human will be giving her medicine to make sure she’s comfortable and happy, and my time is going to be spent making sure she is well-groomed for as long as she has left.  There’s no way to know if she has weeks or months, but I am committed to focusing my attention on her.

I think our vet might be an idiot (more on that later) so I’ve researched the internet extensively.  Unfortunately, the diagnosis and treatment plan does seem to be correct.  I’m very sad that the tumor can’t be surgically removed, because I found the COOLEST thing for Kitty to wear while recovering from brain surgery – a pink helmet from Zoomer Gear.  Maybe I’ll order one for her anyway, because I think she would LOVE it.

Despite the fact that our vet appears to be correct about Kitty’s noggin, I do have serious doubts about his intelligence.  The reason I’m concerned is that he seems to think that Kitty’s sudden decision to love me on February 27, 2012 after hating me for years is the first visible “symptom” of her brain tumor.  How could that possibly be a symptom?  Who could NOT love Pedro the Cat???  Hmph.

Please don’t be sad for Kitty.  She has lived a long, happy life.  (Really, how many American cats are old enough to VOTE?)  She is comfy and happy now, and I’m going to take very good care of her.  And when I’m not grooming her I plan on writing some posts celebrating Kitty’s long life.

kitty’s rough day

Remember Kitty, my geriatric roommate cat?  She and I have had a tumultuous relationship, to say the least.  It was a big relief earlier this year when she finally recognized how wonderful I am and started appreciating my vast talents.  Or at least, my skills as fantastic cuddler during storms…

Kitty went to the vet today because she’s been acting a little confused.  It was pretty stressful for her, so when she came home I made sure she was comfy on my favorite blanket, and I gave her a nice bath so she didn’t smell funny like the vet…  I’m so glad that the election madness is over so I can focus on the important things in life – like grooming friends.

pedro the cat asks for your assistance

left to right: Pedro the Cat, Temporary Human

Remember my temporary human? Well, he went home to the mainland two weeks ago. I know that he’s missing me terribly, so I was hoping all of my loyal fans could help me have a little fun with him…

My temporary human has his own blog.  But he gets a little sad (and frankly, a little jealous I think) sometimes because he doesn’t get as much interaction or commenting as I do.  So I was thinking it would be VERY cool if you all stopped by his blog to just say hello.  His blog is Magpie:  The Official Blog of Cycles Marguerite.  I know that’s a lot to ask, especially because he doesn’t even have any cats in his blog.  But if you had a minute to check him out and say hello, I think that would be fantastic.